Recover or Relent by Scott Murphy

Scott Murphy is out with a second collection of poems entitled Recover or Relent. These poems examine the choice to actively recover or to relent and passively accept anxiety and depression.  This book is a companion piece to his earlier 2016 collection, Poems of a Survivor.

The collection of deeply personal thoughts and poems describes the journey of an individual who has hit rock bottom more than once. What do you do to survive a perfect storm of awful events? This book does not have a prescription or a simple three step program. It's an honest depiction of the raw personal struggle to move forward to create a better life.

A paperback version of  Recover or Relent is also available. 

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman is the first in a series of books that attempt to identify the unique ways that people like to be loved or appreciated. It is critical reading for couples and parents. Two people can love each other deeply and express love to each other in a language that is not appreciated by the other person. This can lead to marital dissatisfaction.

For example: one person may express love by doing chores around the house without being asked. This may be the perfect thing to fill up the appreciation bucket of their spouse or mean nothing if their primary language was quality time.

According to the author, it is important for each person in a relationship to learn how to express their love in a language that fills the other persons bucket even if the language may be outside their preferred method of appreciation. It is good if couples can specifically communicate their needs and be forgiving if their preferred language is outside the other person's comfort zone. The initial expression may be similar to a person just learning a foreign language.

This book was recommended to me by a grad student who felt it may be a helpful way to understand my teenager. Words of affirmation and quality time were the ones that were most appreciated by my teen. You can take the free quiz at 5 love languages.com,

The five love languages are:

• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Receiving Gifts
• Quality Time
• Physical Touch

Five Love Languages animated book review - 5 min 49 seconds

Five love languages explained 6 min 15 seconds

Tammy's Library

Part of my library- Tammy's Library is way cooler - N. Carlson

I recently discovered a website for a Minnesota based bibliophile who currently resides a respectful distance from stately Wayne Manor. Tammy's Library offers web based reference material for 14 different areas of interest covering topics in self-improvement, education, career planning, business skills, disaster preparation, books and health information.  Many of these resources are free.  I took one of the recommended online tests similar to the Myer's Briggs inventory.  It confirmed I was an ambivert.  A person could spend at least a month chasing down the reference material in each interest area and another year reading all the recommended books.

Tammy also has notes on the upside of parenting and several videos that help guide you on your journey of discovery. With her kind and wise presence, she reminds me of Fred Rogers from Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.  This is an example below.

The website is organized by by visual staged photos of Lego minfigs representing each one of the categories.  My favorite extra feature is Life in Legos, where we get to know Tammy's Lego minifigs in video and slide shows.  For the slide show click on the mid far right of the photo to see the next picture.  Pay special attention to the facial expressions on the minifigs.  I missed them the first time. 

I encourage you to begin exploring Tammy's Library to discover a thoughtful life with purpose.

Tammys Library - Overview - 4 min. 

Mayo Clinic Guide to Pain Relief - by Barbara K. Bruce Ph.D.

The Mayo Clinic Guide to Pain Relief by Barbara K. Bruce Ph.D. L.P. from the Mayo clinic provides useful information for patients coping with chronic pain. She is joined by several specialists from the Mayo clinic who discuss the drug treatments and other aspects of pain management. I have recommended it to several people where chronic pain is a daily part of their life.

Many chronic pain sufferers look to surgeries, medical treatments, or pills to get rid of their pain. Often these prove to be unsuccessful. At some point the person may need to accept that pain will be a continuing part of their life. What can be done to not allow the to be in control and restrict activities? How can they get relief from pain when it is too painful to sleep.

Mayo Clinic researchers have found that adequate sleep, flexibility, strength, and nutrition are the keys to managing pain effectively.  They also recommend meditation, yoga, and tai chi. Figuring out the right pace and the right program to gradually get better is one of the keys.  The researchers recommend keeping a daily journal to monitor progress.

The advice in this book is similar the program I followed as I worked to rehabilitate myself from a severe medical problem that restricted my ability to walk for a few months. With the help of family, the support of coworkers, and physical therapists I was able to walk again even though it was painful. The researchers would like people to find meaning in pain as they work to get better. I now do routine exercises to maintain fitness. The information from this program offered by the Great Courses has spurred me on to work on increasing strength and flexibility rather than maintaining it.

Mayo pain relief - 1 min. 

Mayo Clinic - pain management - 2 min. 

Mayo Clinic - Ideas for managing pain - 2 min.

Throw out Fifty Things by Gail Blanke

Gail Blank's Throw Out Fifty Things: Clear the Clutter, Find Your Life is more than the typical toss it out and lighten your load quick fix to leading a more untethered life guide.  It also deals with the mental baggage that prevents you from being successful.

The first section of the book takes the reader on a tour of each major space in a house and suggests items to consider tossing out.  Warning: Don't toss out other people's stuff without asking. Sort the items into four broad categories:

1. Trash
2. Donate
3. Sell 
4. Keep

The items you keep should either have utility or positive sentimental value. Get rid of the items that bring back unpleasant memories or waste space. 

The next section of the book deals with tossing out bad behaviors, avoiding negative assumptions, getting over fears, and finding your song.  The song is something you can sing  in the car on your way to an event, presentation, or interview when you need to be your best. 

This currently is my song:

Don't Look Back - Boston -6 min. 

Dare to be Different - 3.5 minutes

Confidence - 3 minutes

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do by Amy Morin

Amy Morin's book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do is an excellent book for individuals who are in the final stages of grieving a loss. It could be a loved one, the loss of a job, or a goal unachieved. Erin's article in Psychology Today provides a brief summary of the 13 Things. It was originally published as a Forbes Magazine article.

Amy Morin lost her mother suddenly at age 23 and her husband shortly afterwords. When she remarried years later, her father was diagnosed with a terminal disease. Amy wrote this book to help people avoid behaviors that are self destructive even when their life circumstances are difficult. 

I'll focus on a couple of the behaviors. Strong people don't fear failure. People fail at things when they are pushing the limits of their abilities.  Strong people also know that improvement takes time and perseverance.  I am attempting to learn a foreign language, how to play piano, and dance the salsa. It is not easy but I am seeing improvement over time and I am beginning to enjoy continually working at the edge of my capabilities.

Introduction to 13 things - 2 minutes

The secret of being mentally strong - Ted talk - 15 minutes.

How to Write Funny by Scott Dikkers

Scott Dikkers book, How To Write Funny offers up several methods to produce comedy with a focus on satire. Scott is a prolific comedy writer with extensive work at the Onion. Bob Cress from Cress media has brief online course Write Funnier that has some tips similar to those in Scott's book with brief video clips.

Scott advises going after the powerful people and avoiding attacking people who are already afflicted.  He introduces the 11 funny filters that can be used alone or combination to produce comedy.  The best comedy has an underlying subtext that is never overtly revealed. 

I appreciated his general description of the clown (right brain) and the editor (left brain).  The initial daily free writing exercise lets the clown to produce wildly creative and mostly bad comedic topics or ideas. After setting aside these written notes for a period of time (usually at least a day). The editor brain reviews the mess and attempts to tease out the comedic gold from the useless rocks and sand deposited in the original writing.

This book was recommended to me by Brook Preston my Writing for Satire online instructor from Second City.  The classes were challenging but rewarding. The Ms Preston and the classmates provided suggestions for improving the comedic focus of each assignment. I found Scott's book to be a good reference to apply techniques to improve the structure of a comedic premise. Feel free to periodically check my writing blog at ngcarlson.site for examples of short humor lists and essays from the class.

The formula for Internet fakery, Scott Dikkers - 5 min. 

Lee Camp interviews Scott Dikkers - 27 min.