Many Ways to Say I Love You: Wisdom For Parents and Children from Mister Rogers by Fred Rogers

The book, Many Ways to Say I Love You: Wisdom for Parents and Children from Mister Rogers is the third in a series of books published after Mr. Rogers death in 2003. The notes for this book were compiled by staffers at Family Communications Inc. from speeches and articles written by Fred Rogers.  As with the previous books Fred's wife, Joanne Rogers writes the forward.

The book is divided into four sections:

• What We Bring from Our Past
• Growing as Parents
• Many Ways of Loving Each Other
• Growing as Children

At the core of the book is a realization that parents and children recognize that neither one is perfect. The quest for perfection leads to frustration. Sometimes we get angry with each other using words. Its important for children to observe how adults handle these situations by not resorting to physical violence and working to repair the relationship after disagreements.

He encourages us to let the transition from each phase of childhood through adolescence happen naturally. Children need rituals and some quiet time to process these changes. In some cases people can get stuck in a developmental stage and never fully grow up. There needs to be space to take the risk to be part of the new experience. It reminded me of Hope Jahren's explanation of the internal processes of a seed taking the risk to germinate, breaking the seed coat, and attempting the dangerous task of growing into a mature plant.

Its important for children to feel safe sharing their feelings. Sometimes these feeling may be mixed and this can be confusing. Being comfortable with ambivalent feelings is helpful.

Children need someone who will be there when life is difficult and during times when they try to develop. "We need to help children understand that for us, as for them, life is made up of striving much more than attaining." Children can also be very good at giving comfort when adults are honest about their own difficulties. Being needed and being helpful to others is important to children.

The book offers solid advice to parents trying to do their best to raise their children. Its given me some useful insights on ways to be a better parent.

There are Many Ways to Say I Love You - 2 min. 

Fred Rogers 1997 -  approx. 2 min. 

It's You I like - Fred Rogers - 3 min.

Life's Journeys According to Mr. Rogers by Fred Rogers

Fred Rogers compilation of wisdom in Life's Journeys According to Mister Rogers: Things to Remember Along the Way, is an excellent sequel to his earlier book, The World According to Fred Rogers. In the forward to this 2005 book, Fred's wife, Joanne Rogers begins with a note Fred sent her  on the back of a sunset photo taken while he was away on a trip. These words continue to offer comfort to Joanne and to readers of this book after Mr. Rogers death in 2003.

When the day turns to night

and your way beyond my sight

I think of you. 

The book is divided into three sections - Who You are Right Now, Loving and Being Loved, and Guided Drift.

Who You are Right Now: Fred wants us to understand our uniqueness in the world. When we play music no one else does it the same. He relays his childhood feelings when he was teased for being fat. The advice to act like it doesn't bother you doesn't work. We can begin understand that we control how we respond with the help of others who treat us with kindness. 

Loving and Being Love: It begins and ends with being kind to yourself and your neighbors. Mr. Rogers celebrates those who teach and share with others what they love. This reminded me of my entomology teacher at U of M Morris who had a boundless enthusiasm for insects. Her favorite phrase was "Good! Great! Go for it!"  I try to infuse the same love for discovery when teaching students about mycology. I am grateful when they respond with curiosity and take enjoyment in learning. 

Guided Drift needs a bit more explanation. There are times in our lives when we are in transition between jobs, friendships, and recovering from a loss. Its important to use this time for exploration as a side street can become a major path. However during this exploration it is also important not to be sidetracked by the trivial but to use our rudder to gently guide the journey.

He asks many questions: Will we be open to giving and receiving help during tough times? Will we recognize our own disabilities and use them to relate to others? Will we allow our playful nature to guide and give meaning to our work? How do we combine persistence that is needed to succeed with the wisdom to know when to take a break for nourishment and renewal?  How do we use our disappointment to discover new opportunities?

Nicolas Ma and Joanne Rogers on the New Mr. Rogers Movie - 12 min. 

Last Chance to See by Douglas Adams and Mark Carwardine

The book, Last Chance to See, by Douglas Adams and Mark Carwardine describes the quest by these two intrepid explorers and NPR sound technicians to identify rare birds, animals and aquatic creatures near the edge of extinction. As safety is of great concern in Australia they make contact with the world expert in poisonous snakes Dr. Struan Sutherland. His sage advice with a brief diversion into the wonders of hydroponics is to not get bitten. This section reads as it was lifted out of a Monty Python sketch.

They encounter a white rhino which is rather more gray than white, several komodo dragons, a gorilla, a rare parakeet, and some not so rare fruit bats. Along the way they bump into several transportation snafus, time wasting bureaucrats, mid-western tourists, and well meaning Chinese citizens with an unexpected flair for eco-friendly marketing.

The trip had many of the absurd plot twists of the Adams earlier book, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.  The message about conservation and the very difficult task of keeping these creatures alive is made clear without being overly preachy. Many of the problems stem from island creatures being isolated and being ill prepared for the strong competition between species on larger land masses when these animals (cats, rats, etc.) are accidentally introduced into these island ecosystems.

This book was a real treat to read over Father's Day weekend. Thanks to Barb H. from work for  loaning it to me. We discovered that both of us had the unfortunate experience of just missing out on the opportunity to hear Douglas Adams speak before he died in 2001 at the age of 49.

Last Chance to see Zaire part 1- 10 min.

 

Aye-Aye - Douglas Adams - 1985 -  4 min. 

Intuition Pumps and Other Tools for Thinking by Daniel C. Dennet

The audio book, Intuition Pumps And Other Tools for Thinking, by Daniel C. Dennet is not for the casual listener. The tools in listed in this book can be used by philosophers to test the validity of assertions. These assertions are tested by manipulating the knobs on the intuition pump. In other words, if we vary the conditions of the thought experiments does the conjecture still hold up or does it fall apart.

He attacks the notion from some neuroscientists that there is no such thing as free will. He uses a thought experiment that if someone is told they have no free will, their behavior changes and can  often be irresponsible. Having free will allows you to make decisions about acting responsibility.

The Flin effect: The thinking tools from the sciences and philosophy have filtered down to the general public and resulted in a 30 point increase on the IQ test over 50 years ago.

Simple tip: Watch out for the "surely " in any argument. This usually introduces the weakest point in the argument. Prepare to attack this point vigorously.

This is one book that bears repeated review and time spent playing with the implications. It stands along side Edward de Bono's many books on thinking with the added bonus of an extended discussion on the various types of computers from the Turing Machine (U of Cambridge) to a Von Neumann Machine (Britannica).

Thinking is hard - 8 min.

Intuition Pumps and other tools for thinking - Google - 62 min. 

Tools to transform our thinking - 79 min. 

Not My Father's Son: A Memoir by Alan Cumming

The book, Not My Father's Son: A Memoir, by Alan Cumming describes a childhood of physical abuse by his father. Alan signs up for British TV show, Who Do You Think You Are? to find out more about his Mother's father Tommy Darling. He had left his grandmother after World War II and died in Malaysia under mysterious circumstances. While filming the show Alan's father drops a bombshell that calls into question his own paternity.

Alan's biography bounces between then and now and also follows along the journey of discovery to resolve the mystery of his grandfather. If you can listen to his audio book, I highly recommend it as Alan does the narration.

I listened to this book to understand how an abusive parent can affect the lives of his spouse and the children. In Alan's case it made it difficult for him to deal with the possibility of being a father with his first wife. It also resulted in an mild eating disorder and antisocial behavior. He was very successful but unable to fully enjoy it. Playing the emotionally draining part of Hamlet did not help. 

My Father was the exact opposite of Alan's Father. He was kind, loving and supportive. I feel fortunate to be granted that gift. Alan received his gift learning about his grandfather and confronting his own father with the truth. The book is an emotionally draining roller coaster but worth the ride.

Studio Q interview with Alan Cumming - 20 min. 

Discovering the legacy of Tommy Darling - 3 min. 

Alan Cummings childhood memoir - 9 min.

The World According to Mister Rogers by Fred Rogers

The book, The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember by Fred Rogers with help from Joanne Rogers and other members of Family Communications Inc. In 2003, shortly after his death, a book publisher asked if they could collect Mr Rogers quotations so others could benefit from his wisdom. The four sections of the book include:

• The Courage to Be Yourself
• Understanding Love
• The Challenges of Inner Discipline
• We Are All Neighbors

The collection of quotes and versus helped me to be appreciative of individuals unique qualities. Mr. Rogers does not describe an easy life. It is a life of struggle to be disciplined, a life where it takes effort and work to turn wishes into reality, and where it helps to have friends by your side when life is difficult.  

Mr. Rodgers spent a considerable amount of effort to make sure his television show would help children become more self assured and able to confront difficulty. He researched the latest information about child development and became an ordained Presbyterian Minister.   

When I was in college I gave my resident advisor a poster of Mister Rogers for her Secret Santa gift. She liked it very much. This book had not been published at the time but she would have enjoyed it too. The book has helped me be a better father and further spurred me on to keep learning and put the knowledge to use for the betterment of the common good.  

Forward by Joanne Rogers - 12 min.

The Courage to Be Yourself -14 min.

Understanding Love - 20 min. 

In Conclusion Don't Worry About It by Lauren Graham

This book includes Lauren Graham's graduation speech to Langley High School titled: In Conclusion, Don't Worry About It. She discourages the striving for perfection and the need to get top billing. She's found she can have just as much fun being the lead as being in the supporting cast.

I realized that she and I were both in a production of Hello Dolly with Lauren in another school playing Dolly and me three years earlier playing Horace Vandergelder in small town in southwest Minnesota. After that she and I both had smaller roles in productions that were also great fun.

Lauren encourages graduates to appreciate life.  I'll paraphrase Lauren.  We need to realize that both the lows and highs of life don't last very long. A cloudy day eventually gives way to a sunny day. "...the best parts are everyday experiences." We are more than our achievements and more than our career. Lauren takes joy in the privilege of showing up on a production and playing crossword puzzles during the breaks.

During a recent ergonomic evaluation at our vet school, a friendly 80 pound collection of white curls decided that I was his friend. I spent a good portion of the evaluation scratching behind his ears as he gave me a look of perfect gratitude. Having a job were I get to meet a new friend and help someone is pretty special. Lauren would agree.

In Conclusion audio excerpt - 3 min. 

Lauren Graham promotes her book on Ellen - 7 min. 

Lab Girl by Hope Jahren

I loved Hope Jahren's journey in Lab Girl from a town in southern Minnesota and student experience at the University of Minnesota to her various stops setting up labs to study plants and geobiology around the United States. Her student work experience at the pharmacy at the U of MN hospital covers the specifics of her sterile technique and the balance of life and death experienced by the patients receiving the medication.

She structures the book similar to Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men. Short chapter discussions about the life of plants mirror her growth as a researcher struggling to get an experiment to work, get lab equipment, and get her research assistant enough funds to not live as an indigent out of his van.  The constant battle to secure funds is similar to the struggle for plants to survive.

She makes a wise decision during her attempt to furnish her lab with used materials from a retired professor. There is an old mass spectrometer in the lab. It would be difficult to fit into her U-Haul and there was a substantial amount of mercury in the instrument. They wisely left in behind and avoided a haz-mat incident during transport.

After finishing the book, the reader will learn more about plants, soil, research, the struggle to survive, and friendship.

Lab Girl Interview - Hope Jahren - 17 minutes

The Secret Life of Plants - Hope Jahren - 6 min. 

A Curious Mind by Brian Grazer and Charles Fishman

I thoroughly enjoyed A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life by Brian Grazer and Charles Fishman. Brian Grazer has used his curiosity super power to navigate his way through life.  It got him his first job at Warner Brothers. It allowed him to start up a partnership with Ron Howard with Imagine Productions.

Brian has personally arranged curiosity conversations with many interesting people. Some went well, Oprah Winfrey helped him out during a difficult time with his personal life. The meeting with Isaac Asimov went poorly as Brian was not properly prepared and the meeting was abruptly terminated.

Brian advocates curiosity as a management tool. When someone isn't doing work for the company in a way that he would prefer, Brian becomes curious and attempts to learn why.  This approach works better for him than quickly issuing orders to comply.

He also advocates willfully shutting off curiosity when you've done sufficient research and are ready to proceed. At this point the additional information is a distraction from the energy needed to complete the project.  Brian points out a couple of instances where he shut off his curious mind too quickly - It resulted in the green lighting of the box office disappointment - Cry Baby.

He also advocates learning from "no." He was repeatedly rejected by nearly everyone including Ron Howard for his initial treatment of the movie Splash. After the negative reception, he begin to alter the focus of the movie from the mermaid's perspective to the love relationship and the problems it brought to Tom Hank's character.

 

Curiosity is a super power - 3 min. 

A Curious Mind - Brian Grazer - 52 min.

Genius and Curiosity - Brian Grazer and Malcolm Gladwell - 85 min.

Leonardo DaVinci by Walter Isaacson

Walter Isaacson's well researched book on Leonardo da Vinci reviews the life of this inquisitive artist, engineer, and theatrical designer. During my book club's discussion, we agreed that he needed a partner to help finish all of the unfinished projects he started. He had great plans to publish many of his findings but rarely followed through on these plans. He was much more interested in discovery and less interested in the time consuming process of publishing the results of his study.

He wanted to be an engineer more than a painter. He worked to put on various theatrical productions with engineered special effects that do not survive. His fascination with military engineering abated after he traveled with a military mission.

Leonardo was the ultimate acute observer of nature. He applied this knowledge to the few paintings that he produced in his life time.  The geology and plants are accurate and the muscle movement in the pictures was informed by his meticulous notes taken large number of postmortem examinations. 

Information from Leonardo's note books inform a large potion of the narrative as with his carefully measured man below. The line drawings in his notes are worth framing. Some of his work suffered from lack of formal training. This lack of training also allowed him to see and observe without the cloud of orthodoxy which prevented trained individuals from accurately observing life.

Davinci's Man - Wikimedia

The book covers each of his major painting and some paintings and sculptures that never were finished. The discussion comparing his painting technique to his rival Michelangelo is enlightening.

Walter Isaacson - Accessible Genius - 5 min. 

Bill Gates on Davinci - 2 min. 

Book talk on DaVinci with Walter Isaacson - 72 min.